I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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