Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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