I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
this boner is exhausting
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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