omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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