The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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