with your own penis?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
