The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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