I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
