I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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