if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
