Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
