I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
