I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
