i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
