uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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