I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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