He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
