last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize