i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize