I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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