The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
