The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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