On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize