The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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