God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Randomize
