hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
