her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
