just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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