haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
