we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
