i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
