3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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