Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
