My sheets look like a crime scene.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
