my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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