Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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