He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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