Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
ugly people sure do ruin things
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
