very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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