so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I will be naked everywhere
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Randomize