Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
