Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
