well I can't set my house on fire every night
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
