Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
