Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
