Need sex. Gaining weight.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
