I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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