Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
