imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
