Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Even my vagina gasped.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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