the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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