her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
