So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
