dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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