Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my being single is dangerous.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
