i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
