Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
