I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
