My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
