Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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