Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
