if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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