i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
