My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
