This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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