i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
