we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize