It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize