Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
