Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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