Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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