it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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