I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
