Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
