just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize