He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
