all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
