i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm always down for nudity.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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