Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize